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It's 3 o' clock in the morning, and I'm just leaving the club. I stop at IHOP to get some grub with my friends, because taking shots works up QUITE an appetite. As I get out of my car to walk into IHOP, I feel a buzz on my hip. I pull out my Sidekick thinking that it may be one of my friends telling me that they are on the way or running late, but instead it's a text that reads, "WT R U DOING..CAN I C U?" I check the time and the number that it's sent from and realize that I have just been a victim of TWI:

TEXTING WHILE INTOXICATED.

They say that when you are drunk, the truth comes out. If this is true, then perhaps this is why I see half of the club texting like crazy when the lights come on at the end of the night. Maybe 4 Long Island Iced Tea's give you that courage that you need to send a text to someone that you were too shy to flirt with in person. Maybe you are drunk and horny and you are texting everybody that you can to see if you can lure at least one person into your bedroom for some after-the-club-humping. Maybe you are creeping, and you are using the fact that you are drunk as an excuse to jump out there with somebody to see if it works or not. Whatever the case, there are a few things that you should know/watch out for when it comes to drunken texting:

-If you turn down or don't respond to a drunken text, you will be bombarded with more drunken texts cursing you out and telling you to go to hell.

-Most drunken texts will be misspelled, so try your best to decipher the message before you respond. It might make a BIG difference, trust me.

-Most drunken texts expire in 30 minutes. If you receive a text at 3 am, you better get over there by 3:30am, or else their drunk a$$ will probably be ASLEEP.

-Think before you accept the requests that are in these drunken texts, there are often repercussions that are involved after the fact that you might not be ready for.

-Each year, more than 300,000 kids are created as a result of drunken texting. Ok I made that up, but seriously; be safe at all times, even when you are twisted.

-Some of ya'll need to invest in a Sidekick, a Blackberry or some form of PDA's, before you permanently pull a muscle in your thumb from texting too much.

I will share a story with you all just to show you that I am not only a victim of drunken texting, but one time I was an instigator. I was at a house party one time and I brought a bottle of Crown Royal to the house for everyone to drink. I had a lot on my mind and decided I needed a nice night out to clear my head. I had also ran into my ex girlfriend earlier that day, (I hadn't seen her in a month) and I realized that I missed humping her. After taking half of the Crown Royal bottle to the face, I took my phone out and started to TWI. I took one more shot and decided that I had drank enough, and that it was time to head home. When I woke up the next morning I was NOT at home. I looked up at the ceiling, and it was NOT MY CEILING. I was a$$ naked in my ex-girlfriend's mother's guest room!! Due to drunken texting and intoxicated reasoning, I had arranged to meet up with my ex on some "late night rendezvous" ish, and drove to her mom's house instead of her new apt. Let this be a lesson to you, be careful when you T.W.I.!!!