First of all, I blame BET, and P-Diddy for the "staggering importance" of
the VIP room in the black community. People are getting on my nerves thinking they should automatically get VIP treatment when they go to the club. Everyone cannot and does not deserve to be behind that velvet rope! If you get stopped at the door and wonder why, here's a list of reasons why you didn't get through...
10)You got in the club at 9:00 with a free email. Come on now, everybody knows VIPs don't get to the club until an hour(or two At The MOST) before the club shuts down! Fail!
9)You have to ask to get into VIP. If you have to ask, then you don't belong. Truly important folks just walk up to the velvet rope, make eye contact with the goon behind it, and allow the blessings of VIP access to be bestowed upon them. If you roll up to the VIP room asking a bunch of
questions with a big country ass Steve Harvey grin on your face,guess what? YOU FAIL!!
8)Just because you know the person giving out VIP access does NOT
guarantee you a spot in the VIP room. If you roll up to the club and see me and start telling all your friends, "Aaaaw man TC is my dawg! We used to play with blocks back in Kindergarten up at Naylor Road! I know he'll let us in the VIP room, son!" Wrong. It's good to see you homie,
but you are NOT getting in VIP. Fail! ...then again, your girlfriend is kinda sexy...she can come in, BUT YOU STILL CAN'T. Double fail!!
7)You are LOUD & WRONG. A couple came up to the VIP line the other day. They were trying to get in VIP, but they were coming to the wrong
VIP line. Because they were well dressed and looked the part, I was going to let them in...until the chick started getting LOUD with me and just lost her composure. I told dude what the problem was, and that I was about to let him in until she kirked out on me. Clean dress, dirty
mouth: YOU FAIL.
6)Trying too Hard: You ever see someone who's trying too hard to be important? I'm talking bout the dudes with the shades on in the club,
and the girls with the hooker boots up to their knees and the Uncle Luke dresses on. You FAIL for looking like an extra in a Young Jeezy video.(ttthhhaaatttssss rrriiiiggghhhtttt)
5)You stink. I saw the sexiest brown skinned lady walking towards me the other day....sweet Christ of Nazareth, she was FINE. She got to the VIP rope and I damn near passed out. Not from her beauty, but because she smelled like onions. How could she not smell herself? How do you smell like a steak and cheese from Hunan China and not know it? You fail for giving a whole new meaning to "Onion Booty."
4)Your reputation precedes you. If you are known to pop bottles, you are more than welcome to enter my VIP room. However, if you can't handle your liquor and consistently cry, fight, or have yelling spells when you get twisted? You gets NO love. Take that bama shit to Love or H20, you fail for being an emotional drunk that spits when they talk.
3)You are too arrogant. Look, I don't care how many parties you throw, who your mans and dem is, or who's kids you've swallowed. If I don't know
you, and/or if one of my co-workers doesn't vouch for you, then you're not getting into VIP. If you so important, then someone would have met you at the gate to come get you. You fail for whining like Kanye West at an awards show.
2)Your crew. Ladies, sometimes I want to let you in so bad....but your crew ruins it for you. Fellas, sometimes its just one of your boys who messes up your entire VIP plans. Just for the record ladies, size is not an issue(Big shout out to all those fly big girls out there, ya'll can party in VIP whenever you want too!) but being a bamma ass broad IS an issue. Fellas, if your boy looks like Flavor Flav and has a million stainless steel fake platinum chains on, its no haps.
And the Number 1 reason you cannot get into VIP is.....
1)You're too thirsty. If I deny you the first time, and you come back
multiple times and say things like "You let them in, why I can't go in?" Then you'll most likely be banned from the room altogether. Thirstiness is the number one killer of swagger in young men and women. The desperate look on your face is making you sweat, and I
smell...FAILURE |
