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Pure evil in liquid form. The SpongeBob Squarepants shaped bottle of sheer devastation, the Club/Lounge weapon of mass destruction. What is it about this drink that causes us to flock to it when we KNOW it has the potential to wreck our entire night and even our entire LIFE? Patron has an attraction that is hard to ignore, and there is countless youtube and cell phone footage to support this statement. We might never truly know what drives us to order it, but apparently the good outweighs the bad when it comes to a shot of Patron. Here's a "morning after" scene from an anonymous patron drinker:

"It's 9:55 am, and I am just waking up. I look up and don't recognize the room. Panicking, I begin to touch myself to see if I still have my clothes on. I'm ass naked. My heart starts to beat and thousands of questions cram into my mind. I sit up and realize that I'm not alone, there is someone in the bed beside me!! I pull back the covers to see who this is, and I&don't recognize her&have I just been involved in a one night stand? She rolls over, opens her eyes, smiles at me, then closes them and goes back to sleep. I breathe in a sigh of relief, because thank God, she's cute( I know that's shallow, sue me!) and just as I let that breath out, I belch. It's one of those big nasty burps, and a little bit of Patron comes up in my mouth, eeeewwwwwww! But that burp took me back to the night before; visions of me taking shots, doing pushups with TC, and "pop-locking" all over the club came back to me in a flash. That damned Patron. Realizing that I was a victim of the most popular tequila around, I get back under the covers and snuggle with the stranger for a little while longer until I can sleep it off, and fully embrace the shame that I'm destined to feel later."

This is just a sample of the damaging effects that Parton can have on your life. Patron is an equal opportunity intoxicator; there is no Black, White, Indian, Reggaeton, or Asian as far as it is concerned. All races succumb to the allure and peer pressure of this menacing tequila, and suffer the same consequences regardless of religion or sex. Here are some absolute truths about Patron that you might not have known:

-Patron will make you black out, and not remember what you did for the past 10 hours.

-Patron will get you kicked out of an Ihop for singing old Stevie Wonder songs, or freestyling French operas.

-Patron will make you offend and piss off Police Officers.

-Patron will make you dance super sexually with the ashy-est, stankest breath guy in the club.

-Patron will have you falling in love with a female because of her butt, REGARDLESS of the fact that she looks like Lil Wayne in the face.

-Patron will convince your white co-workers that they have the rhythm and dance abilities of Omarion.

-Patron will ruin the friendship between you and your best friend of the opposite sex.

-Patron will cause you to get you're a$$ whipped.

-Patron keeps the makers of pregnancy tests, paternity tests, and VALTREX in business.

If you have anymore please add on!! Be safe, and please be responsible: don't drive after taking Patron shots!