With the economy shot to hell and unemployment rates soaring, people are cutting back activities that they once enjoyed regularly. Bars and clubs, however, will not see that much of a decline in business. Why? Because during tough times like these people need an outlet. People need to go out somewhere and release their stress, even if it's just for a few hours. Since we all want to get the best bang for our buck nowadays, I have taken the liberty to compile a list of cocktails that will maximize your happy hour/club experience whenever you get a chance to hang out. I have personally tested all of these drinks (for research purposes only)and fully stand by my suggestions. As the days get longer and warmer weather approaches, you will want to refer to this list when you assemble your crew and step out for a drink or two. Enjoy the suggestions, and if you ever need me to walk you through the list, you know where to find me!!
10) Patron Margarita- One of the few margaritas that a grown man can drink and not be ashamed when he starts feeling a significant buzz afterward. Women drink this and let the name fool them; this is NOT your average margarita. Drinking two of these at the beginning of your evening will make for a very interesting night!
9)Cadillac Martini- The ingredients in this cocktail read like a crucial college party shot. When you dress it up in a martini glass and a fancy name, it disguises itself as an upscale mix of premium liquor. I took a certain young lady out to eat one evening and she ordered one. She was in the back seat sleeping on the ride home. Take it easy when ordering this drink!
8) Bonecrushers- TGI Fridays made me fall in love with this drink. The perfect gateway drink, you can use it as a bridge to stronger drinks later on, or you can stick with it and not be ashamed of yourself. Watch out for that shot of champagne that comes with it though; mixing champagne with your liquor is like hiring Michael Jackson to babysit your little boys. It COULD get ugly.
7)Long Island Iced Tea- OGs, Bus Drivers, Janitors, School Principals, Male Hairstylists, Women who curse a lot, telemarketers, and most left handed people under 5feet 7inches drink this oldie but goodie. It takes a certain type of person to enjoy this drink. If you're not
built to drink a Long Island, then you'll probably black out and have a weird dream that you got into a fight with the police, and then wake up missing a front tooth with one shoe on in a holding cell.
P.S. I've never been to Long Island.
6) Suffering Bastards- This is a drink for those who are depressed or have something weighing heavy on their mind. Instead of making you feel even WORSE about the situation like most alcoholic drinks would, a suffering bastard will CHEER YOU UP. If you ever see someone laughing at the moon, or walking around smiling and smelling like brandy, then you know what they have been drinking. If Batman was
real, the Joker would be a habitual Suffering Bastard sipper.
5) French Connection- Perfect club drink. Shows that you can hold your liquor, and that you have class. Let me warn you in advance that this is a drink that should be SIPPED and not GUZZLED. If you down this drink like it's a soda, then I hope you have an ample supply of Cottonelle wet wipes in your bathroom cabinet. This cocktail will
have you pooting brown soup the next day.
4) Zombies- Who needs drugs when you have Zombies? I fell in love with Zombies back when I used to go see Chuck on Fridays and RE on Sundays at the Classics. Sure, Zombies taste a little like paint, but the warmth and sheer bliss that each sip brings to its drinker is worth it. Lots of college girls and struggling actresses drink these,
ask me how I know.
3) Death in the Afternoon- This drink contains absinthe. For those who don?t know, absinthe is a 74% proof alcoholic beverage that was banned in The USA from 1912-2008. Now that it's legal to buy and sale in the country, people have been trying to mix it with various
additives to make a popular cocktail. They have been failing worse than the Dallas Cowboys trying to win a playoff game. Keep it regional and order a "Death in the Afternoon," which is Absinthe & champagne with a splash of sour mix. Sip it slow and watch how 6's and 7's transform into complete DIMES. Perfect for a night out with the
girls, or the fellas, after you've been dumped, or after you've seen your S/O on youtube dancing half naked to "get me bodied" (especially if your S/O is a man).
2)Thug Passion- This is mostly a "pre-game" drink. It's hard to roll up to a bartender and ask for one of these because there are so many versions of it. The real version of a Thug Passion is Alize, Hennessy, and Moet. Like I said earlier, inviting champagne to a cognac party can be dangerous, and this drink shows you exactly why. When you are en route to your party destination, drinking some "Thug"
out of a squirt bottle will set the tone for the night; just don't go overboard. Club detox rooms are full of people who have sipped one gulp too many of a potent Thug Passion and have suffered first round knockouts. Don't be a statistic.
1) Marion Barry- I made this drink up back in 2003, at the TGI Fridays in Washington DC by GW University. With the help of my man Tim and "Mama Eric" the Bartender, this drink has ruined hundreds of people's jobs around the K street corridor. A Marion Barry is like the big OG cousin of a Long Island Iced tea. It's pretty, and tastes good, but it is a SET UP;hence the name. I used to watch as unsuspecting government workers would order it and then suddenly have to be carried out of the restaurant. I have given the recipe to select bartenders around the area; so if you are interested in taking a sip of history let me know or just come to one of our events. Be sure to pack your health insurance card and wear some clean underwear.
What are some of YOUR favorite drinks? Share them with us, so that we can keep the party going through this recession!!
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